Just over a year ago I experienced one of the worst moments of my life to date. I would never wish the pain I endured that night on anyone.
I had been having cramps throughout the day however they were manageable and didn’t have a huge effect on my day.
I decided to go to the front of my parents property in the secluded area under the grapevines and do some mediating hoping that would change the pain signals that my brain was sending my body. It’s really easy to meditate out there as there is next to no noise apart from the sounds of wildlife and bugs. I could feel the sun beaming on me and felt I had a really successful mediation session! I felt so in touch with myself and super calm. However I was sooo wrong.
I went to bed in quite a bit of pain, the cramps had been getting worse as the night went on so I sent myself to bed with my wheatbag and a movie. My boyfriend was away on a training trip so was just me in my little room. I got up out of bed to put my wheat bag in the microwave (yes I had a microwave in my bedroom for heating up my wheatbag haha best idea I ever had) and got a sharp cramp, I breathed through it and I started making my way to the toilet when the pain took over my whole entire body. I collapsed on the ground. I was in complete agony however I was by myself. I was living with my parents at the time but my bedroom was not connected to the house so they had NO idea!!!
Thankfully I had taken my phone with me so I called Mum and she came running out. I was sprawled out on the ground in hysterics. She yelled at my stepdad to call the ambo. The wait felt like forever!!! We live in the country to make things worse so the drive for them was around half an hour – longest half hour of my life. Throughout this time i had dribbled everywhere from being in so much pain I couldn’t close my bloody mouth from all the screaming I was doing. I think I had bruised all of Mums knuckles from squeezing her hand so hard. I had cried so much there was like no fluid left in my body, Mum had to calm me down so many times as I would start hyperventilating from the pain. I remember laying on that ground thinking I would rather die than continue to endure this pain.
The ambo finally came and gave me gas to suck on, pumped me with full of drugs and we jumped in the ambo. Worst ride of my life. Ladies you will understand this – when we are having an episode, or even small cramps, driving absolutely sucks. Every bump you go over is like a new stab with a sharp knife. SO I died some more in this half hour trip back to the hospital – can we also just appreciate I had been in this pain for pretty much an hour in total before we got to the hospital, A WHOLE HOUR SPENT IN AGONY!!!! The staff in the ambo were so so kind – and they were mostly males! they were so sympathetic and caring and gentle, it made the whole experience a lot easier. We got their and there was no bed for me, a more urgent case then me had also just arrived so I had to wait in the bloody corridor. I finally got through and they had to come back and dose me up every 15-20 minutes as nothing lasted long enough to get rid of the pain for longer then the above.
Once we got on top of the pain they tried to send me home! It was crazy. Thankfully my mother was there to stand up for me and explain to the medical staff who was trying to get rid of me that as soon as they send me home we’ll be calling for another ambo as its obvious nothing is working and they best find me a bed. So they did – no one says no to my Mum haha.
The whole experience was so terrible, and to make matters worse i was getting operated on for endo only 4 days after this happened and once the staff found this out it was like they didn’t care about me anymore and thought oh well it’s getting dealt with we will ship her out the door.
(such an ugly photo of me to the right but it shows how distraught I was and I guess helps paint the picture of the night)
That night I will always remember, endo really made me a victim and I had to give in to the pain. It was so scary for both me and my family and made us remember how serious this condition can be. I had never felt that kind of pain before, the kind of pain that numbs your brain and you whole body gives out and surrenders. It was the craziest thing.
I remember my boyfriend feeling so terrible for not being there, he was hours away and helpless. He must have felt so guilty when I filled him in on how serious it was.
Thankfully I have never had an episode that bad since, I have had some really bad nights, but noting as scary and body controlling as that and I hope I never have to experience that again. I hope none of you do.
HOWEVVVVVER…… if you have had moments like this, please let me know! I would love to hear –
a.what you think brought it on
b.what you and/or the hospital did to control
c.what it felt like for you
d.anything else you want to share in regards to it!
I know this blog post has been nothing educational, I have just received so many stories from girls lately wanting to share what they go through with me or their worst endo memories I thought I should let you guys in on mine!
Thanks for reading!
Love and light xxx