Just over a year ago I experienced one of the worst moments of my life to date. I would never wish the pain I endured that night on anyone.

I had been having cramps throughout the day however they were manageable and didn’t have a huge effect on my day.

I decided to go to the front of my parents property in the secluded area under the 16593745_939998336130564_1413474478_ograpevines and do some mediating hoping that would change the pain signals that my brain was sending my body. It’s really easy to meditate out there as there is next to no noise apart from the sounds of wildlife and bugs. I could feel the sun beaming on me and felt I had a really successful mediation session! I felt so in touch with myself and super calm. However I was sooo wrong.

I went to bed in quite a bit of pain, the cramps had been getting worse as the night went on so I sent myself to bed with my wheatbag and a movie. My boyfriend was away on a training trip so was just me in my little room. I got up out of bed to put my wheat bag in the microwave (yes I had a microwave in my bedroom for heating up my wheatbag haha best idea I ever had) and got a sharp cramp, I breathed through it and I started making my way to the toilet when the pain took over my whole entire body. I collapsed on the ground. I was in complete agony however I was by myself. I was living with my parents at the time but my bedroom was not connected to the house so they had NO idea!!!

Thankfully I had taken my phone with me so I called Mum and she came running out. I was sprawled out on the ground in hysterics. She yelled at my stepdad to call the ambo. The wait felt like forever!!! We live in the country to make things worse so the drive for them was around half an hour – longest half hour of my life. Throughout this time i had dribbled everywhere from being in so much pain I couldn’t close my bloody mouth from all the screaming I was doing. I think I had bruised all of Mums knuckles from squeezing her hand so hard. I had cried so much there was like no fluid left in my body, Mum had to calm me down so many times as I would start hyperventilating from the pain. I remember laying on that ground thinking I would rather die than continue to endure this pain.

The ambo finally came and gave me gas to suck on, pumped me with full of drugs and we jumped in the ambo. Worst ride of my life. Ladies you will understand this – when we are having an episode, or even small cramps, driving absolutely sucks. Every bump you go over is like a new stab with a sharp knife. SO I died some more in this half hour trip back to the hospital – can we also just appreciate I had been in this pain for pretty much an hour in total before we got to the hospital, A WHOLE HOUR SPENT IN AGONY!!!! The staff in the ambo were so so kind – and they were mostly males! they were so sympathetic and caring and gentle, it made the whole experience a lot easier. We got their and there was no bed for me, a more urgent case then me had also just arrived so I had to wait in the bloody corridor. I finally got through and they had to come back and dose me up every 15-20 minutes as nothing  lasted long enough to get rid of the pain for longer then the above.

Once we got on top of the pain they tried to send me home! It was crazy. Thankfully my mother was there to stand up for me and explain to the medical staff 16522159_939998359463895_2009585073_owho was trying to get rid of me that as soon as they send me home we’ll be calling for another ambo as its obvious nothing is working and they best find me a bed. So they did – no one says no to my Mum haha.

The whole experience was so terrible, and to make matters worse i was getting operated on for endo only 4 days after this happened and once the staff found this out it was like they didn’t care about me anymore and thought oh well it’s getting dealt with we will ship her out the door.

(such an ugly photo of me to the right but it shows how distraught I was and I guess helps paint the picture of the night)

That night I will always remember, endo really made me a victim and I had to give in to the pain. It was so scary for both me and my family and made us remember how serious this condition can be. I had never felt that kind of pain before, the kind of pain that numbs your brain and you whole body gives out and surrenders. It was the craziest thing.

I remember my boyfriend feeling so terrible for not being there, he was hours away and helpless. He must have felt so guilty when I filled him in on how serious it was.

Thankfully I have never had an episode that bad since, I have had some really bad nights, but noting as scary and body controlling as that and I hope I never have to experience that again. I hope none of you do.

HOWEVVVVVER…… if you have had  moments like this, please let me know! I would love to hear –

a.what you think brought it on

b.what you and/or the hospital did to control

c.what it felt like for you

d.anything else you want to share in regards to it!

I know this blog post has been nothing educational, I have just received so many stories from girls lately wanting to share what they go through with me or their worst endo memories I thought I should let you guys in on mine!

Thanks for reading!

Love and light xxx


6 thoughts on “WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE

  1. ugh i feel your pain.
    i always felt so isolated, like no one would understand. and i think that’s all i’ve ever wanted since the begining of my whole endo mess, is for my family and friends, past lecturers and uni peers to understand. im so glad i came across you on facebook. it kinda makes me feel safer, people go trough this and they’re still sane. while i’m over here loosing my fucking mind hahahaha, but reading your stories and experiences, i can relate to so well. i’ve been dealing with all of this for 9 months and have had to drop out of university because of it. I live in New Zealand. I still have to wait till may for my surgery because i live in a well less fortunate area with less medical cover (if that makes an sense haha). as i’m sure you’ve heard before, you inspire me to keep going, to just take it day in and day out. keep being strong, for the rest of us women facing this You bring us light. thank you – aims

  2. I know this pain well! Every month the pain would build and build to a point where I’d be doubled over, about to vomit in agony, and my body would just go into shock, and I would faint. It was exactly as you described. It happened at school (taken to hospital) on holidays at the beach (taken to hospital) in a shopping centre (taken to hospital) – over and over again, and every time they diagnosed me with a vasovagal episode. It isn’t like you can just call in sick once every four weeks, so you just continue on and brace yourself for another amount of unbearable pain. I went away on a holiday with friends and they all went to the beach while I lay on the bathroom floor falling in and out of consciousness because of the pain I was in. I ended up being diagnosed with Endometriosis and have been on a strong contraceptive pill since I was 18 – I take it continuously because if I have a period, it goes back to being BAD very quickly. I hope young girls don’t have to wait for years to get a diagnosis like we did, it’s truly debilitating!

  3. I went through the worst experience of my life a few weeks back.
    I was staying on d’Urville Island at my Grandparents place. No phone reception, no road access, no hospitals, nothing. The closest hospital is about 5 hours away- walking then boat, then drive. Or by helicopter in emergency..
    On Wednesday morning I started bleeding (which I shouldn’t do due to being on Cyproterone acetate and Progynova). By the evening I was in a lot of pain ( 6/10) And then about every 5 minutes the pain skyrocketed up to a 9/10. This happened all evening until about 10 pm when I went to the bathroom and found that I had passed a large lump of tissue (about the size of my palm). The pain was then, for the following week about a 6/10 but went up to about an 8/10 quite often.
    After a week of this, I finally managed to get myself off the Island and to Blenheim, where that night my Mum’s friend picked me up to take me to the hospital. I was worried that I would be told it was just an ‘endo flare’, and after a very painful pelvic exam and me telling the doctor what had happened and what I had been dealing with for the previous week, the doctor went and spoke with a gynecologist, and came back to tell me it was probably just a flare up. I told him again that I knew this was not the case, as I have never in my life experienced an endo flare like this, never had pain so severe and never passed a clot the size that I did.
    They gave me some painkillers, and sent me on my way, just like that.
    A day later, I managed to get hold of my Gynae and got myself back home to Christchurch, and I was rushed in for an ultrasound and an appointment and 2 days later was being taken in for urgent surgery.
    As it turns out I had serious blood clots and huge thickening of my uterus lining that required a hysteroscopy and D&C to remove.

    I don’t mean to write such a long story, but just wanted to share my experience with you.
    I would never wish this pain on anyone and I sure as hell hope I never experience it again, but I suspect I will!

    I honestly feel that I was completely fobbed off by the hospital,, but thankfully my Gynae came to the rescue ( and my mum of course too!)

  4. This reminds me of one of my worst days. I’d been having cramps for a day so assumed I was going to have my period (something I’d go months without). I went out and it got worse but I tried to ignore it because I was driving and we were having a nice day. The next day I was in so much pain I was rolling around on my boyfriends (Now husband) bed. I was just on the verge of calling an ambulance when his mom got home and drove me to the hospital. It was a Sunday and was scolded for not going to my GP – who are closed on weekends? Eventually I was hooked up to a drip and then sent home. My parents had arrived by then and took me back to my boyfriends to get my things as I couldn’t drive back myself. But the pain came back and back to the hospital we went. I was given morphine – which hardly worked and that started 5 days in hospital and various ultrasounds, Injections in my leg, drips and then the heaviest bleed ever!

    I found out after I’d been discharged that I had polycystic ovaries (which they didn’t explain IS different to polycystic ovary syndrome) and also had a 20cm cyst blocking my tube. Nearly a year later they decided to operate and remove it. I thought finally I was being helped. Except when I went back for a post op check up I was told I also had endometriosis and the doctor had lasered it but it would return. Luckily my only symptom is when I do get a period my cramps are less manageable and I need a hot water bottle – fab in the summer! But luckily I’m now on the contraceptive pill to regulate me and it does subside some of the pain.

    Sorry for the long story. I’ve just come home from work as suffering with my anxiety and started reading your old posts and this really resonated with me. I find it hard to talk to people about this and my husband is supportive but as a man he doesn’t really understand. It’s also hard because since getting married I am constantly asked when we’ll have children or if I’m ill it’s assumed I’m pregnant. Which hurts because I don’t know if that will happen. We’ll see.

    Thanks for your posts and on Facebook too.

  5. This sounds very similar to an experience I had when I was about 15. Excruciating cramps to the point where I thought surely I was going to pass out. Parents drove me to the hospital where I was hunched over walking in as I could not stretch my body all the way because of the pain. I was admitted because they thought it might have been my appendix. After ultrasounds confirmed it was not my appendix and because the pain had subsided (not completely but some) I was sent home with no answers. I have not been diagnosed with endo yet (my dr is trying me on lots of birth control currently to try that out before anything further like surgery) but I am almost convinced that I have it. Funnily I have never connected that hospital visit to endo (being so young when it happened I had never even heard of endometriosis and my dr made me feel as if all my complaints about period pain and tummy problems were just me complaining all in my head) but now it seems so obvious that it was. sorry for the novel length comment. xx

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