Today has been a really hard day for me. Although my pain hasn’t been completely immobilising, all of the other symptoms have completely knocked me off my feet.
I’ll warn you now, this post may seem entirely jumbled and also like I’m moaning and complaining. The reason for this is too show you all the way this disease effects me too. I write about the disease and offer you support but I don’t feel like I lately I have been sharing enough of my personal experiences as I’ve been too caught up in other aspects in my life. So, the potentially jumbled messy post will come from my fatigue messing with my brain. The complaining comes from an honest painted picture.
I’m kind of just going to go through my day and explain the parts that really mucked with me and made it hard to deal with.
I woke up this morning to my alarm at 6.30 for work, I normally have my first alarm go off at 5am to try and go to the gym however 9 times out of 10 I turn that sucker off lol. So anyway, I woke up at 6.30 and died. I didn’t feel like I had even slept a wink! I stayed in bed dying of exhaustion until like 7.15 and then went off to work.
The morning dragged on and I went on and off feeling pains in my lower abdomen and my vagina however they weren’t anything I couldn’t handle.
At around 2pm ish I lost control of my brain. Do you guys ever get so badly fatigued that you can’t concentrate, even forming a scentence is hard work and when I’m that bad it’s often difficult to make sense and I often jumble my words! So all of that started happening to me. I couldn’t stare at my computer screen for longer then like 5 minutes without my mental going nuts and freaking out on me. I tried to go for a quick walk around the building to get away from the screen to see if that would help. I made a coffee and I even went and sat outside in the fresh air. None of this did anything for me!
I asked my friend if I looked tired and bad and she hesitated but then agreed with me. I pulled up my selfie cam when I was on my own and looked at my self and was horrified. I looked like I was high or something, my eyes had kind of like glazed over and had a red tinge to them and were half closed!! I looked terrrrrrrrrible!
I hadn’t been effected that bad with the fatigue and brain fog since I had to quit my job due to endo a few years ago. Normally when this would happen I would coop up in bed with sunglasses on and just die. Not sure as to how or why, but the sunnies helped with the tired feeling!
I ended up having to leave work early because of it. Once I got home it started to go more downhill. Since I walked in the door, I havnt really moved from the couch. Since being home the pain has slowly started to take over my entire body.
I just am literally feeling like I am paralysed from my abdomen down. My cramps are present, my lower back hurts and my fanny is freakkkkkking sore! It feels like Edward Scissor Hands is trying to claw his ass out of my vagina! Or like there’s a rock sitting in there swelling it up! My hips all the way down to my feet feel tired like I’ve run a marathon. I don’t even think I can get up to go to bed right now because of all of these feelings. It’s started to creep into my head again and I have the mind exhaustion going on aswell as a headache. Typing this post is even hurting my fingers because my body is so fatigued.
It’s terrible being like this and alone. Kodi is in bed because he gets up for work so early and I don’t want to wake him up. But if he was awake, I’d seriously be having to ask him to help me brush my teeth I’m in that much pain with added exhaustion.
I will also add I would love some frikken pain killers right now but that means I’ll have to walk to the bedroom and I’m not up for that right now lol.
I would love for you all to comment on this post sharing with me and others what you do when the pain comes over your whole body and affects you in a completely crazy immobilising way! If only we had little fairies that dropped off drugs and warm wheat bags and gave us little foot massages hehe.
I now feel like there’s a rod being shoved up my vagina and pulled out of my tummy. Life is great right lol. I also get like a sensation that my ovaries are swollen and trying to push there way out of my body. It’s terrible!
Again, this post wasn’t anything informative. It was pretty much just a chance for me to vent and let go of my emotion and express how I’m feeling. I try to be positive all the time about this disease in the hope that I rub off on all of you a bit. However I also don’t want to paint a false picture and appear to have this Fantastic pain free life and am never hugely affected. I want to show you all every side of my life in a very honest and descriptive way to be a support person for each and every one of you.
Now I need to transfer my energy from a poor excuse of a blog post (sorry lol) into trying to walk to my bedroom to get my painkillers.
Goodnight my loves, sleep well and stay happy