LETS TALK ABOUT SEX BA-BY
That’s right, we are getting down and dirty and speaking about sex.
I firstly want to start this topic off with a lil lecture of some form. Are you one of those girls that feels uncomfortable speaking about sex in any regard? I mean like with your friends, with your partner (whether that is relationship partner or strictly sex partner) in public, with medical professionals – to whoever?
If you answered yes to the above, I want you to stop being embarrassed and/or uncomfortable about something so natural and normal. We as female are taught to keep our vagina and its business to ourselves – I can’t stand it. I love sex, I honestly to a degree even enjoy sexualising myself as a person. I look good half-naked and so do you and why the hell can I not show that off? Lol if you think I’m not going too because being sexy and feeling sexy makes me feel good. Sadly – sex in general doesn’t always, why? Because endometriosis is a pain in my ass, and probably yours.
Endometriosis and Sex
Painful intercourse is a common symptom amongst woman who suffer from Endometriosis, this is also known as dyspareunia. The pain varies amongst woman with everyone reporting different types of pain – pain when entering the vagina, pain only with deep penetration, a dull pain that can be ignored, pain that spreads through entire pelvis, unbearable agony type pain. Some report pain that lasts for a few moments whilst others are bed ridden for days after.
Bleeding during and/or after sex is also very common, so don’t worry or freak out if this is something you are dealing with.
(It is important to remember, that as with every Endometriosis symptom, everyone’s pain and experience is very different.)
Movement during sex (I’m sure I don’t have to explain this in detail lol) can stretch the misplaced endometrial tissue. Especially if it is growing behind the vagina and/or lower uterus. Vaginal dryness can also be a cause.
What to do?
So how are meant to manage this pain, what are meant to do to be able to enjoy sex again?
That’s right, calm the F down. It at times, can be one of those “mind over matter” situations. When you anticipate pain, you’re going to tense up right? Being tense and tight down there is 100% not going to help your situation so just breathe and stop focusing on what could happen! I have found this to be beneficial for myself at times. I stop thinking about my vagina and lower abdomen in general, focus on my breathing and begin to think only in the moment – about touch and body heat etc and find all of a sudden I have forgotten that there is pain or could be pain and begin to really enjoy myself like I am meant too!
2. Take pain medication
Annoying but hey, if you wanna get down and dirty sometimes you gotta plan in advance. Thinking about pouncing on your man tonight when he walks in the door? Take your medication an hour before you plan on doing the deed.
Due to dryness being one of the reasons why you could be experiencing pain, don’t be afraid to go heavy on the lube. Remember to use one that has no parabens in it though!!
Lube could literally be your saving grace and change your sexual experience for life. Do not be afraid of it, think you have enough? ADD MORE!
4. Chat with your partner
Again, whether this is your relationship partner or strictly sex partner, it doesn’t matter, have the conversation.
Being open and honest about what is going on makes the sexual experience better for everyone. Does one position hurt WAY more than any other? Let them know! I put money on the fact they have no idea that they are causing you pain and would really, really prefer not too. Once discussed, you can firstly try this position in a more gentle approach (no jack hammering lol) or completely scratch that one from the list.
You may even find that talking about sex with your partner brings your closer together, makes you more comfortable and will actually relax you during intercourse, which brings us back to point 1. relaxing.
5. Explore and Experiment
Try different positions, find what works for YOU as an individual and as a pair. Some positions may hurt one day and not the next!
Who said sex had to be strictly penetration? Foreplay is so important, and you may even have nights where this is all you do – and that is totally ok. You need to remember that sex doesn’t fit into one box, it is completely up to you how you choose to spend and enjoy your private feel good time!
I have tried all above the above, the pain medication doesn’t always work but it’s normally a win. The best thing I have found though is to be in the moment, and really concentrate on point 1. RELAXING. Making sure you are releasing tension in your body and being in the moment helps a lot.
Funny enough, orgasm-ing is meant to actually help with cramps. Why and how? When you orgasm whilst menstruating, your body releases dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins, and these hormones all work like a natural pain relief!
Talking with your partner is hugely important though. There is nothing worse than being treated like a porcelain doll. I have struggled with this before. People feel like they are going to send you into hospital just for touching your clit, they won’t. And if they do, we are aware it is not their fault. THEY aren’t hurting us, our bodies are. Speaking to your partner about this is so important, because not being touch or caressed due to the fear of the above really truly sucks. Explain how everything works, make them aware that in actual fact they are doing anything wrong and tell them communication during sex is key to get you going.
Experimenting with yourself can also sometimes help. You realise that being calm, relaxed (realising tension) and comfortable truly help. You can maybe even find what parts of your vagina cause you pain in a private situation where no shame or embarrassment is felt.
Please ladies, don’t fare the sex discussion. We enjoy intercourse, we enjoy getting to orgasm, most people do! Just because we have female anatomy malfunctions does not mean we should have to suffer and have shit/no sex for the rest of our lives. That is 100% not a life I want to be living and I am sure most of you are the same.
So my girls, remember to let go of tension, to discuss things that are important and to never be afraid or embarrassed to talk about you, your vagina and sex.
As always – lots of love and light