Today a friend of mine posted on facebook about the health issues she had been facing over the past few years. In this post she dedicated paragraph to point out to her “friends” how useless they had been. My heart instantly ached as reading this post bought me back a few years to the feelings I had.
A friendship, well in my eyes, is like a marriage. “in sickness and in health”. Your friends are suppossed to take the good with the bad with you! The ride the highs with you and they pick you up from the lows.
When I was at my sickest point i often felt like i had no one. It was funny that the friends that had recently come into my life were a lot better then my old friends.
the sad thing is is that when i was asked if i was ok and i replied with a “no, im actually so sick, im in pain 90% of the time and i cant do anything other than sleep and cry” i either got no text back or a pathetic “naw, it will be ok”
NO! Wrong fucking answer. You should have said “i’ll be over in ten” and brought yummy treats, fantasic company and let me cry on your shoulder about how crappy my life is at this given moment.
We are told we are suppose to talk about how we feel and open up about our pain. But in all honesty i felt better when i held it in. Because when i opened up and talked and got next to none support, i felt unloved, like i was complaining and worthless!
What was needed in my life was learning how to love myself and finding the support from within.
I had to learn how to rely on only me. That only i could bring myself happiness and i didnt need to seek comforting from others as i had the ability inside to make myself happy and feel loved.
BEDRIDDEN LADIES , DO NOT SEEK FOR APPROVAL OF YOUR ILLNESS. I KNOW IT IS NOT ALL IN YOUR HEAD. I KNOW YOU ARE IN PAIN. DO NOT SEEK LOVE IN THOSE WHO DO NOT KNOW HOW TO LOVE THEMSELVES. DO NOT SEEK COMFORT IN THOSE WHO DO NOT CHECK ON YOU WITHOUT BEING PROMPTED. LEARN BRING JOY, PASSION AND HAPPIESS TO YOURSELF AS ONLY YOU HOLD THE KEY TO TO FIND WHAT YU ARE SEARCHING FOR IN ONE SIDED FRIENDSHIPS. YOU ARE ALL SO STRONG!
Moral of the story, fake friends are shit. we will always have them. people dont understand because they arnt in our shoes. you cannot find the support and love you are looking for in others. you have to learnt to give this to yourself!