I am completely heartbroken 

I had been doing so well since my second laparoscopic surgery last year in October, so well. I would have bad episodes but they were manageable on my own with a bit of pain relief and my own lil home remedies I use that help me deal with pain! 

After a year and two months of not having a terrible endo breakthrough I had forgotten what I was in for. I had forgotten what pain I was going to be in. I had forgotten what it was like to have no control of the pain no matter how much tramadol I take or excersizes I do. 

Lastnight at 10pm my boyfriend put me in the car and drove me 20 minutes to the hospital. That drive felt like hours. 

Not only because of the pain, but because of what I was thinking. I couldn’t get these terrible thoughts out of my head. “It’s your fault, you’ve been drinking a lot more than normal.” “You’ve been asking for it eating all that wheat.” The list goes on with what I was saying to myself. I was making the pain worse by the thinking these thoughts but I couldn’t  help it. At this moment I let my “positive” mantra go and I am so mad at myself!

The pain was astronomical and my boyfriend later told me that was the worst he has seen me. 

They could not give me enough of anything to take away all the pain. I was in the waiting room at the hospital hunched over my boyfriend hiding my face crying, moaning and sobbing. I felt like such an attention seeker and  as so embarrassed however I could not keep the pain in.

They rushed me out the back and were filling me up with morphine. 

Lastnight was the fastest I have ever been out through the hospital system before. They looked after me so well. The doctor said to me before I left ” I am not sending you out of here without a script of really great painkillers”. First time I have been offered a script of anything other then panadol.

Last night made me hopeful of the path us endo travelers have to take and that the way we are treated is starting to get better. People are learning about our condition and are taking us seriously!

I normally have to wait a minimum of 3 hours to be seen when I go to after hours with my pain and get given a panadol and told to go home. Unless taken in by ambo. 

Lastnight was amazing I was treated so well they believed my pain and would not let me leave until they believed I was comfortable. 

There were times my pain was an 8 and I was not crying because I had run out of tears. However the beautiful ladies looking after me believed me. 

I was so lucky that in my first episode back that was off the pain scales I was with who I was. Supportive boyfriend and great hospital staff. 

Wish me luck as I think I’m in for it tonight😟
****Lastnight was for sure my own fault. I have gotten so slack with the routine I am meant to live. 

However guess what, I am 21 and want to go on a bender weekend and consume a lot of alcohol and eat a lot of bad food. Yes I know I am not meant too however goddam I have been having fun! 

If you ladies out there have any tips on getting myself back on the right path I would so appreciate the help!****


  1. I go through the same thing and it’s cool to see someone have the same problems and be able to share to help others deal with the pain.


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