I woke up today feeling a little more tired than usual, I just put it down to watching one to many ‘American Horror Story’ episodes last night. I got ready for work feeling abit “off” and off I went to start my week.
I was fine ish up until around 10am, that’s when the tightness around my chest started and I knew, my old friend anxiety had come to play.
I tried to calm myself down, normally I am quite skilled at not letting this feeling consume me, today sadly did not work.
I went for a walk, I spoke to myself, I did breathing exercises, I tried to distract my thought pattern, still nothing helped.
I really broke down when people needed my help for things at work. I kept hearing “Annalise can you…..” “Annalise I’ve sent you an email about….” “Annalise, Annalise, Annalise”, my chest got tighter, it felt like an elephant was sitting on me. The shakes began I felt nauseous and a bit light headed.
Today was the first day I have had to leave my new (well not so new) job because of an anxiety attack.
People do not understand until they are in our shoes, this feeling of nervous energy completely takes over my body and I start to feel like I’m in danger.
I am now cooped up on the couch trying not to cry every half hour because the anxiety is coming in waves.
Sadly, if I had listened to my body this morning, I would have maybe not gone to work or I would have mentally prepped myself for the day!
My anxiety comes on whenever I give to much of myself to others, when I stop paying attention to my needs and focus on what everyone else requires from me. I push push push and endlessly help and are there for everyone but myself, and I end up having a breakdown.
I am lucky enough to have such a supportive family, friends and (perfect) partner in the world, they make me not feel like a freak. They comfort me and show me love and support which is always needed!
I don’t really know what the point in writing about this was, maybe to get it out of my head, maybe to show that anyone can suffer from things like anxiety and depression. I’m not really sure.
Love and light