where the f’ have I been?!

Hey ladies

 

After my Insta post the other day acknowledging how MIA I have been, I thought id go deeper than that on my blog 🙂 you girls who read these silly lil rants get to really know the ins and out of who I truly am!

 

So, Ive moved a few times the past few months, I’m in a new house with 2 of my girl mates, you have probably seen them feature in my Insta stories and stuff. Its a super cute lil home. Ive never ever lived with a girl before (excluding fam) so I was a little nervous about it, but its been a lot of fun so far and the house truly has such a good feel too it 🙂

 

Im working really hard on finding myself again too, like who I am as just me. Figuring out what I want to do in the next few weeks, months, years etc. Small goals, big goals. You get it.

 

Im trying to get back to being good with my money again (lol) I’ve gotten so care free with my wallet and its biting me in the ass so I am trying to watch what I’m spending my money on hehe.

 

A big part of this spending habit, falls in with my smoking. Ive opened up about this before, you can find it here. I tried really hard to quit around the end of last year, and then shit changed in my life and I freaked out and fell back into old habits – relying on smoking for comfort. So I’m trying to cut back a lot and am hoping to call myself a non smoker in a few months lol, well see 🙂

 

Getting back my confidence is also a big thing for me right now, my skin is improving crazily thanks to Beauty Tofu and that is helping a lot.

 

The biggest battle for me right now though is my mental health. Recently I took myself to the mental health ward and asked for help. I was struggling a lot with my anxiety and really doubting my place on this earth, everything was becoming to much for me too handle and I couldn’t think clearly and rationally. I literally felt like a piece of furniture and that life was happening around me and I wasn’t moving with it. Its a strange way to put it but the only way to explain it that makes sense to me.

 

It was so hard to put on a smile, take a photo, upload it with an inspirational quote and making up some bullshit story about how great life was when it really wasn’t.

 

I mostly talk about health, and not just food and exercise health or endometriosis health, I mean health in general which I believes start up top (ur brain) and how could I promote all of this when I myself wasn’t feeling like an absolute superstar.

 

You guys have to understand how hard this stuff is too do sometimes, I put my whole entire life online for you guys, I even included my breakup. I know I do this myself, I like to do it, I like you guys to know that what you go through in different situations in life is normal and what you think/feel doesn’t make you weak etc. I love bringing together the sisterhood and making you all feel special and not like an outcast. However sometimes talking about all these things can build up and become hard. Like talking about that breakup online made it that more more real for me. People from my hometown all of a sudden all new, it became gossip and not something beneficial for my sisterhood.

 

A lot of what I post does, it changes from being healthy soul food content too Chinese whispers. 99% of the time I am able to laugh all of this off, I’m able to not care, I can fight off the rumours and I can fight off the self doubt. However I am human and I do have moments of weakness. I have moments of breakage.

 

So I’ve just been doing what my entire being needs, to rest, to chill, to just be Annie, and not just all about Annie either, like ANNNNNIEEEE. Well I guess I’m actually trying to be Annalise.

 

So for now, I’m being more me than ever before. Which sometimes is going to be distant not posting on social media Annie, and I hope you guys are ok with that.

 

Any questions, let me know.

 

Again, this is ramblings and I’m not re reading what I’ve just typed out I’m literally gonna find a feature image and click post so I hope it makes sense and that you understand.

 

Lots and lots of love

A

x

 

 

 

 

 

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